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Dating and purity

In fact, they are today still good friends with several of their exes, and in fact, friends with each other’s exes.When I first started dating the man who is now my husband, I was horrified by the fact that he had dated other women before me, and been physically intimate with them.That is why I felt pain that my husband had dated and been intimate before meeting me while my husband’s cousin had absolutely no problem with the fact that her husband had dated and been intimate before meeting her (in fact she would have found it odd if she had been his first). Unless you have really good reasons to motivate you, maintaining physical boundaries in your courtship will crumble like the walls of Jericho when you really like someone and have become emotionally close to them.As I look back on the past, I can see that the pain was real.I can see also that the that pain my husband felt for having caused me pain was real.

The reality is that it would have meant something if he had been a fundamentalist or evangelical boy raised to expect sexual purity and emotional purity. Gradually, over time, I realized that the pain I was feeling was not due to any harm from my husband’s previous relationships, but rather to unmet expectations.

In some ways it’s like talking in different languages: the one partner says “don’t you see how much you hurt me? ” The problem is not actual harm, it is mismatched expectations.

I am raising my daughter to expect that her future spouse will have dated before he meets her, and that she will date beforehand too.

Today, my expectations have shifted so completely that I feel no pain at all from the fact that my husband had previous relationships.

In fact, I am now good friends with one of my husband’s exes, and I feel no ill will toward her at all.

432 comments

  1. Sep 19, 2012. We are dating and want to stay pure, but we keep slipping up. However, if you're going to develop a healthy dating relationship and make a wise decision about getting married or not getting married, you're going to. Tagged Christian, issues, love, purity, Q&A, Q&A Dating, romance, sex, spirituality.

  2. Don't ever date someone who won't honor purity with you. Ever. Rememberif you are dating, you haven't entered into the sacred bond of marriage. You have not made covenant vows to one another. So, the person you are dating is not yours. Practice purity. But understand purity begins with the mind and heart.

  3. Aug 25, 2014. I found that the biggest way of tempting my wife while dating was by 'playing dumb' – or you could even call it 'playing tough'. This is in situations that we, as men, must avoid in order to stay pure. The situation could vary from being alone with her at your apartment to lounging on the couch even though.

  4. Sep 7, 2011. I remember picking up the phone and calling my mom to share a struggle I had. I was in seminary and had just started dating my husband Jeremiah. I had a strong attraction to him spiritually, emotionally, and physically and I felt like temptations to compromise my purity were all around me. I shared with my.

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