I didn’t get it — had they never had their dates insist on paying? In a sample of 54,000 members from 2017, millennial women say they would split the bill 35% of the time.
This makes them 9% more likely to do so than older women, but the numbers still surprised me — while simultaneously helping me understand the behavior of my recent dates: 60% of millennial men said they would pay the entire tab on a first date (compared to 67% of older men).
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When I started dating my very first boyfriend as a sophomore in high school, I was adamant that I pay for my own meals. This became such a point of contention that we eventually broke up over an otherwise enjoyable night of thai (that he insisted on paying for).
To many, when the man offers to pay and his date graciously accepts, it’s a sign of mutual interest.
When someone insists on splitting, it is perhaps more likely to be taken as a sign the date has gone awry than as a nod to progressive values. According to Jessica Chou, Senior Editor at Refinery29 who ran the column, “In the long run, I find the best course is to do what you’re comfortable with and actually talk about it.
Having interviewed a lot of couples about money for Refinery29, I’ve found that the way people think about sharing money in a relationship can make or break a long-term romance.
Getting to that conversation earlier can let you know whether you’re compatible.”This makes sense, of course, since being explicit about one’s values on a first date is almost always a good move.
sometimes a man wants to pay and doesn’t understand my nod to gender equity.”So men and women who want to split the bill for ideological reasons must fight not only traditional gender norms but also the de facto “code” of dating itself.
and paying the check is the biggest symbol we have that a man is interested in a woman and values her company and time.”Unfortunately, this tradition makes straying from the norm difficult.
“If a woman insists on paying or splitting the check, someone gets confused,” Bonos says.
) men and women want to be in relationships with an equal, and that means someone who has roughly similar earning power and is making similar financial contributions to the relationship.
But women still want to be pursued, and I think men are still most comfortable in the role of pursuers…